Motivation - the characters and my own...

Why do I write?

Why does anyone write? Often it's obvious; we have to. To document, communicate, make notes to help us remember. I often need to write to be able to understand the heart of some matter, the logic, reason of a theory, idea, or to be able to put forward an argument. And sometimes to figure out what I really think or want when I can't decide.

But this is different. This urge to cook up stories, invent characters, and places, I don't know where it comes from.

And on an another level it is all about putting the words together, play around with their meanings and make contradictions possible.

I just do this. A pen and a paper and I start to write nonsense, doodle a bit, and then a few rhymes and then I toss it. Maybe that's what dudes that bounce and kick a ball back and forth when they get a chance, are doing too. There's no reason for that. It just feels right, an organic need. I'm not going to figure this out. The dude kicking the ball outside alone or in a flock doesn't care if it makes sense. He just keeps doing it.

The motives for this might not be analyzable.

But writing conveys meaning and information that affects the writer and the reader too. It's not the ball being bounced, kicked and tossed, it's the representation of it. If it doesn't make any sense, it's not satisfying. The world doesn't have to make sense. But words do.

Something changes at the core when you describe the dude and his ball. The dude needs to be explained, we need a motive for the hours he spends in the afternoon sun. What makes him do this? Is he crazy? Is he held at gunpoint? He's training for a competition, hopes to win a prize, make money? To pay for his mothers much needed surgery? Now there's a reason. Almost a story. 

I know he does this everyday for the same reason as I rhyme and doodle. It feels right. But in a story we need some answers or it’s no story. "Stop bouncing that bloody ball around and do something useful, damn it!"

What motivates my characters to do what they do? I have to figure that out. What make them tick? That's what make them 'real'. In the real world people do the strangest things for no particular reason. Sure, we think there's a reason, but it's mostly just a guess, any explanation goes. In a story that won't do.

J could fall in love because Betty is pretty and has brown eyes. He would fall in love once every three minutes walking around downtown if that was all it took. No good.

Or does J loves Betty because his brain happened to trigger a flood of chemicals the first time she was around? It's got nothing to do with her. It's sheer coincidence. Just as likely, just as logical, probably why it would happen in the real world, but why bother writing down chains of events that are random? Random words, a bouncing ball, doodles...

The story needs to become what the ballgame becomes when the other dudes come together, and there are goals and rules; and the spectators go crazy.

Stories are games with bouncing words, the writer makes the rules, and the characters try to make sense of it. And the reader feels as if it is important.

Two to one and the home team wins...

J loves Betty because she is everything he is not. Her ability to enjoy a few moments of light in a world of endless gloom... That's what I settle for. And we'll see if it holds up when the going gets tough.